Ethan Marcotte now blogs at Unstoppable Robot Ninja.

Weblog entry:

I’m not a blogger. I just play one on TV.

If there was an ABC afterschool special involving all of the A-list bloggers, who’d play ‘em?

Glad you asked:

Dave Winer:

Easy. Randy "Macho Man" Savage, in all the resplendent glory of his Snap into a Slim Jim! years. High-fiving his buddies, suplexing his enemies. And he’d bring the same sort of gravitas to the role that he applied to Spider-Man’s Bonesaw McGraw (I gotcha fer three minutes of playtime!).

Mark Pilgrim:

Also easy. Ed Norton. Today’s thinking man’s actor, but not afraid to get a little nutty at times. I could see Mark being okay with having Death to Smoochy on his CV.

Anil Dash:

Helmut Bakaitis. Played The Architect in The Matrix: Reloaded. That’s basically how I imagine Anil; aggregating all of the information from the Web at once from one padded control center. Clicking his pen silently, eerily as he updates his daily links.

That, and someone’s gotta set Keanu straight, and tell him what a no-talent twit he is. But I digress.

Jamie Zawinski:

Willem Dafoe. Big grin, highly witty, seems affable enough. But whatever you do, not fuck with this man — if you do, he’ll blow up your aunt, steal your girlfriend, and fly away cackling on his rocket sled.

Scott Andrew LePera:

John Cusack, who was the King of Cool prior to America’s Sweethearts. ‘Nuff said.

Jeffrey Zeldman:

Liam Neeson, though I had to think about this one. Ideally, the actor’d have that elder statesman of the theater motif down pat, appropriate for the Web’s one gentlemanly blogger. But you’d also need that slightly steely glint in his eye, who could get his Rob Roy or Michael Collins on, and rouse the masses in righteous fury against their oppressors. Or something.

At the very least, you have to admit that the notion of Zeldman wielding a lightsaber is supremely badass.

This is the kind of useless shit I think up at work, I swear.

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